precious gift

we knew that adopting from an orphanage in Africa would leave a lot of unanswered questions.  
that is something that comes with the blessing that is adoption.  for us, some of those questions were:



what was Clayton like as a baby?  had he always been so content?  did anyone rock him to sleep 
at night?  did he have any baby pictures?  i grieved that last question in this post.


i had to be content in God's perfect plan for Clayton.  i had to pray that what we know of his story 
would be enough.  {which we are keeping private for him to tell himself, if he chooses. }  more 
than that, i had to pray that God would be enough for Clay.  that he'll trust His plan for his life.  
that though Clay can certainly grieve his past, he would never feel incomplete.  i long for Clayton to
be complete in Him.


despite me trying to be content, God had a better plan.
{per usual.}


He used someone to "randomly" see, on a adoption group page, that i had been at a particular 
orphanage in september.  instead of just dismissing it, this angel {YES, she's 'just' a lady, but He saw 
fit to use her as one} chose to write me a message and ask about a particular little boy.


the little boy that she asked me about wasn't Clayton.  unfortunately, the one she had fallen in love 
with, and was asking about, was the little boy that i wrote about in this post.  the little boy that died.


we quickly discovered that she knew Clayton.  she had known him and loved on him months before 
we even met him.  she has pictures of him.



anyone that knew Clayton's story would say there is no way we would ever have a picture of him 
taken prior to september 15th, 2009.  now?  because God loves us so much.  because He loves 
Clayton so much.  because He uses ordinary people to do His work.  
now?  we have 46 pictures of him from may 2009-september 2009.  FORTY-SIX.


we got 4 months of Clayton's life back.


i am not willing to share the pictures of when Clayton first came to the orphanage.  {that is his.}  but, 
let me say this:  that little boy that died could have very well been Clayton.  and, it is 17 other children every.single.minute.  that is right.  world-wide, 17 children die every minute from poverty, hunger and easily preventable diseases.


i'll say it again, our family is not complete.  we long for our next child to be revealed.  a child to love 
and restore.   we will do that for them....but trust me, WE are the ones being restored.  we will happily walk this journey again.


will you?  {no, seriously. will you?}


meet Baby Clay: