finding Clayton [2]

{finding Clayton part 1 here}

the children at this babies' home are blessed to get 3 meals a day, snacks, and to go to an 

on-campus class 5 days a week. in class they learn social skills, do crafts, have worship 

music time, and learn English. it really is quite a blessing. of course, all of the children have a 

different story, but the reality is: some of them were orphaned after their moms died in childbirth, 

some were found after they were left in plastic bags as infants, some were abandoned in fields 

or abandoned shacks, some were brought to the home by their families who just couldn't care 

for them any longer & wanted them to have a chance.

so despite these conditions being far from "our standards," the babies' home is doing a good 

job of trying to provide well for these children. there are 2 classes. one class for the younger 

children and one for the older. after my meeting with the director, i knew that i should go to 

the older class and spend more time with "D." i just couldn't resist the urge to go to the baby 

class for a little bit!

the teachers know if you are there to volunteer or if you are there with the intention to adopt. 

they were so excited and thankful that i would "love one of their children." they couldn't believe 

that i hadn't "chosen" one yet. they don't understand all the rules, so they didn't know that the 

director prefers international couples to adopt children 18 months or older. so, one of the 
teachers came and handed me a baby, "HERE! this one is nice. and he is new, so i'm sure 
he doesn't have a family yet. choose this one, Love!"

they handed me a precious little boy about 9 months old. he was so perfectly lovable. i spent 

time with him, we played and he fell asleep on my chest. i WANTED him to be our son, but i 

knew in my heart he wasn't. selfishly, i'm so grateful that God didn't allow my heart to be confused 

by the fact that that little boy didn't have a family...that He didn't allow me to be confused by 

the teachers begging me to ask the director to "take that one." because, i am so sad to say that i 

found out that little boy died last week.

after i laid that little boy down sleeping, my eye was drawn to an adorable, happy little 

boy, "E." he looked to be around 1 year old. he immediately smiled and played with me. we 

laughed and played. he hugged on me and sucked his thumb in my lap. i was in love.

deeply, immediately, with everything in me IN LOVE.

after a couple hours, i realized that i needed to tear myself away from him. i had to go to the 

big kids class! i started to walk there, but i was almost in tears. i decided to go ask about 

little "E." the director was totally frustrated with me! she insisted that "D" was our son and 

that "E" was not adoptable. it is NOT in my nature to push anyone on anything, but i wouldn't

just walk out like she wanted me to do.

finally, she said, "he is new and we have not declared him adoptable. until we search for his 

family, no one can say they want to adopt him. that will not happen while you're here. 

you may not adopt him."

i left and cried. and prayed. and called matt and we prayed. and our small group prayed.

we prayed specifically that the director (who normally wasn't in the home seeing us interact 

with the kids) would have the opportunity to truly see my heart and love for "E." and that then, 

God would change her heart....