growing.
today i rejoiced [on the inside] to have to formally discipline
our son. discipline can look very different in different families and
even for different children. we do use time outs, but those are not necessarily
healthy for some children--especially those that might have come from a traumatic
background as many children who are adopted have. for us though, and this specific child,
he has watched his sisters be lovingly disciplined and his mental state is one that can see &
understand it. he knew his behavior warranted it as i gently told him exactly what was going to
happen and why. i stayed where he could always see me for his minutes sitting.
it is a lot to think about. as all parenting decisions really are. but, he was truly
remorseful and was able to see that discipline can come from love and there is
enough grace for him....for us all. we are having small victories here every day
and right now they are coming in this form. it isn't as heartwarming as finally hearing
the words i love you from both of the boys or as fun as one of them beginning
to embrace affection more and request eskimo kisses, but it is just as real and important.
even in the hard, there is so much good. so much. and in the hard, i see trust
and security growing by the minute. i whisper to myself almost constantly,
it's not about me. it's not about me. you can even finding me yelling it
to one daughter after trying very patiently for 20 minutes to impart something to her
this morning, IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.
sigh. and then i tell my[forgetful, broken]self the same thing as i sit
gently with her and explain. she happily skips out the door and i breathe
a deep sigh. none of this is about me and i must choose by the minute
to die to myself in order to bring Him praise.
in the really, really good.
and in the hard.
thankful for it all.
 |
| february 9, 2011--5 days after meeting our sons. |
perfectly stated
ReplyDeleteLove this, Lovelyn...we're walking the same walk here, as you might guess...so hard, so good, so fun, so challenging, so worth it all. Nice post, friend...
ReplyDeletethis so touched my heart!
ReplyDeletexoTiffany
Did I read that right, that you yelled? I am such a yeller mom. So not proud of it. I feel like I have to change a full 180 degrees before we bring home a to our son next year.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I am such a mess up with my kids right now, none of whom have seen much trauma.
I know God's grace is enough for me to do right. I just fail receive it WAY too often.
Disciplining with grace is in my prayers & on my mind daily. I am grateful to hear your encouragement, Love!
that is such growth, love. proud of you. and him. and them.
ReplyDeletethis is so ... inspirational, love. you truly inspire me as a mother and a friend to my daughters. you seem to have such a beautiful balance.
ReplyDeleteerin--after those 20 minutes? i absolutely yelled. and what a crazy thing to yell! oh.
ReplyDeleteand don't get me wrong--i lose my patience sometimes much quicker than 20 minutes.
it really is one of my deepest desires to have a home filled with peace though, so i try to be very, very careful. He is definitely using this parenting [of many kiddos and just in general] in my sanctification!
i'll join you in prayer. some seasons are just hard to get where you want to be, i think. you can do it though. as you know...with Him.
Thanks for the honest post! As a foster parent, I know exactly what you mean about discipline being such a crazy/thought consuming/careful issue! Each child is different - and when you finally get a system figured out they go and change on you! :) Thanks again, not just for the honesty in your post but for being willing to share all parts of adoption with us.
ReplyDeletepowerful. xo!
ReplyDeleteI would love to hear more about how you do time outs. Nora is only a couple weeks old but she's headstrong already and it had me thinking. I don't want to mess this up. I want her to know I'm disciplining her because I love her. Not out of anger (which is generally how my childhood was).
ReplyDelete