let's chat.
it's national adoption month.
adoption isn't the answer to orphan care,
but it's a really awesome part of the answer.
i hope to highlight other ways we all can help as this month goes on.
but, for this post, let's chat about adoption.
so tell me:
have you felt this calling?
what's holding you back?
i'll be jumping in the comments as i can throughout the day.
please feel free to be completely honest & please be respectful of others.
also, the number one question that i get is where to start.
i'm not an adoption expert, but everyone has to pick where they
will adopt from & get a homestudy.
pray & start there!
This has seriously been churning around in my head lately. I don't know if *now* is the best time for us - with money/job issues and the recent birth of our first child - but I would venture to say there's a 90% chance of *yes* and *soon*
ReplyDeleteYES. This has always been in my brain.
ReplyDeleteWhat has been stopping is... our house. We would never pass a home study because we live in a three bedroom house... no more space for a new kid.
Thus the new house! Once we get settled in, we will start looking into fostering right away. We intend to foster with the plan to adopt.
I absoluelty believe that one day, I will get to adopt. I've felt it for my whole life. My husband is in school & working right now, as well as me holding a full-time job & trying to start a new business(with orphan support benefitting with some proceeds!!!), I know that it's not our time, even though it kills me that it's not. However, I know that he will bring this desire that He gave me to completion, & that He will use what we're doing/learning now to make it all the better when it's time. For now, I just wawnt to help others bring home their babes.
ReplyDeletetoo bad I can't spell, huh? ;)
ReplyDeletetristina--i love this. i love that you can see past these issue to a time soon that God WILL provide & help you.
ReplyDeletelaura--i really am so excited for your family. i remember hearing your passion for foster to adopt the first time you shared it with me and i love that you're almost there.
this journey is so worth it.
mandie--i get this & love it. you're right; He'll finish it. enjoy your journey there and i'll celebrate with you along the way!
ReplyDeleteSo glad to come to this post today! I do feel the calling, have been for a while!
ReplyDeleteWE live in Canada and I don't know about where you all live but here you can't adopt before your youngest biological or adoptive younger sibling is 24 months old.
So far my husband and I get pregnant every 10 months after babies are born, so we are have a newborn every 18 months.
We are letting God decide the size of our family but so far the only way we would be able to have a adoptive child is if someone would dropped him/her on our doorstep!!! Even then I'm not sure how we could legally do the procedure !!!
Money the cost of adoption always scare me and the whole procedure interviews etc... I wish is was all made more simple!!!
Do you have any advice
Renee
This is a great post. As you know, adoption and orphan care is a huge part in our life and family. I am looking forward to reading the comments of your readers :) Blessings Love! I can't wait to send you pics of our 'new additions' as soon as they step on U.S.A soil(probably in Jan)!!!
ReplyDeleteThis has always been something on my heart as well. I have talked about it at great lengths with my husband. He doesn't feel called in this way right now. He has said in this season of his life he just can't see it but he will keep an open mind about it if its something that my heart still wants later.
ReplyDeleteI know he would do it if I really pressed him, but I know if he isn't on board with it that it wouldn't be in the best interests of anyone involved to proceed. I do look forward to the day where we may be able to.
Great topic, great post. If it's in your heart, and it's meant to be,the doors will fling open for you. To Heather- it was in my heart for years before it landed in my husband's. Somedays I still can't believe that we have our little girl...and she has been home for 5 years now! Learn, pray, and don't resent him for where he's at right now. Ask others to pray too...thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteIt's a long process, but it's such an amazing journey and way to grow a family. I'd do it again in a heartbeat....if my husband had it on his heart again. :)
julie
I'm so excited about our adoption, and although we will not be able to begin the process for a little while now b/c my hubby is in between jobs, I know that God already has handpicked a baby for us. I am so excited for the day that all becomes so real! Thank you for your heart for adoption and sharing your story!!
ReplyDeleteMy heart longs for more children. I always have that feeling that our family is incomplete. I pray daily for the other children I really believe God has for us! I hesitate to write this because I know it sounds crazy. My family- husband + 4 kids & I are American missionaries to Italy.
ReplyDeleteThe 6 of us are living in a 600 square foot house & basically unemployed/trying to become self-employed & surviving off a tiny bit of support from our sending church in the States. Translation- we are barely scrapping by but the Lord ALWAYS provides.
I am feeling more sure everyday that our future children will most likely be HIV+. I can not explain it, I just know and my heart aches to hold them safe in my arms. However, I am completely clueless how to go about making any of it happen in our family's present circumstances. Do you know of any resources for American's living abroad that would like to adopt HIV+ kids, especially when said family has virtually no financial resources?
Is I don't know an answer? How do you know?
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches and breaks for the orphan, but most days I feel overwhelmed with my 2 kiddos.
I want to put my heart break into action, and will do so even if that does not mean through adoption.
In the middle of it now, waiting for Immigration approval and finding it hard to be patient. We are SO eager for a little one to come home with us but it feels like it may take forever for it to happen! Learning to trust and excited to see how it all works out! Thanks for your blog, always keeps things in perspective for me!
ReplyDeleteadoption has always been in my heart since i was about 3 years old i knew that i would one day have a baby/child from africa. ethiopia has captured my heart for 10 years now. we are in the process of deciding which agency... any advice tips would be great. we have narrowed it down to awaa, holt, and illien (others are more than welcome to suggest) but this is what i think we have narrowed it down to. so excited to be on this journey!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Love,
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking time to answer questions. My husband and I have only started having a conversation about adopting. We have a 2 year old and truly feel a calling to adopt our next child. I have not done an incredible amount of research yet but find that what prevents us from getting serious is the cost.
We are a one income family with some school debt and just don't know if we can afford to go through the process. I am sure that you have been asked this a bunch but what is your answer to people who are in my position.
Thanks so much,
Megan
I have felt the calling for a long time now, although it took a little longer for my husband to feel it. We finally started our journey many months back. We are adopting from Texas, a girl between 4 - 10 years old. We have 3 biological boys. We have submitted our home study and waiting to hear back from a case worker! What an exciting month it is going to be!!
ReplyDeleteLove, you are a true inspiration to me and my family. Thank you for being you!
I have always felt a "calling" after our boys were born that changed a bit but always came back, pulling and "nagging" on me. I can't count the times over the years I have googled and searched adoption and foster care. The time is finally right for us...and the pieces are falling into place. We are in the beginning stages of adopting 2 children from Colombia and I am unbelievably excited, nervous, anxious and happy that we are finally to a point where we can and are doing this.
ReplyDeleteokay--i'm still here & will answer more specific questions tonight.
ReplyDeletei just want to encourage people to feel free to post their fears here. hopefully adoptive families can come share any insight there, too.
i know some people are worried that even though their heart LONGS to adopt that there might be a different kind of love for an adopted child. [i can say that personally, it really is no different for me. without any disrespect to his birth mom, i feel like i could have birthed him.]
did anyone else have need more time bonding, then it came? other experiences?
what other fears?
Nope. :) I adore reading about your children, and your journey bringing Clay home, and your encouragement of others who feel the pull to complete their families through adoption...
ReplyDeleteMy family is whole. I have my two little boys and not a bit of desire to add any more tiny people. I have other callings in my heart, strings pulling me to other parts of our world that need to be supported, changed, bettered.
There are so many things that need attention, but there are also so many of us. If we all focus our energy where we can best serve, the world will be a better place sooner than later. :)
I certainly fear that...It was what held me back for so long after having children. Adopting was/is something I have longed to do ever since I was a teenager, but once I had children I became fearful that I would not feel the same. I am confident that I will...but I still worry. I also worry that the new lifestyle for the children will be much harder than we anticipate...that it will be a more difficult transition than we hope. Oh so many worries I have but I am hopeful/faithful and everything I can be that everything will be just fine and we will work it out...like we do so many things.
ReplyDeleteEveryone around us worries about the cost of raising 5 children...but we (both my husband and I) had so little growing up that it just doesn't worry me at least not THAT much. Our kids have so much already I hope it will help them appreciate more.
Basically I worry...but my excitement overshadows it though I am trying to educate and prepare myself as we go!
As someone who has no children at all, currently, even though i long to get pregnant & have a baby the 'traditional' way, I know that when I adopt, it won't feel different than loving any child that grows in my body. This may sound quite naive, or maybe ignorant, but it's hard to explain that this love I have for them is already there. I love big & can feel it so much already. I'd say the thing that scares me the most, but that I can not allow to rule me, is that what if the birth parents change their minds...? I'm not scared of not loving or feeling enough, I'm more scared of loving too much & being hurt. Enough of my rambles, though...I'm enjoying this chat, & will certainly be coming back to read the other comments throughout the day/night.
ReplyDeleteThanks Love. I really love coming here to your space & learning your heart.
We just finished up our last homestudy visit and we are working to complete our dossier for Ethiopia. We have four bio kiddos and I never dreamed adoption was part of our journey. Funny how God has bigger and better plans. We live in a 3 bedroom house and we will definitely have to keep material items to a minimum. We're okay with that and since starting this journey continue to be amazed at how God is providing for us to reach our son.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest struggle at this point is working through how else we help. As you said Love...it's not the answer just one piece. We desire to do more and do NOT want to stop working and speaking on behalf of the orphan. So for now we work on completing our adoption and open our hands and hearts for how else God chooses to use us. I'm looking forward to hearing other ways to help!
Blessings~
Shannon
We've felt the calling. We're doing it someday.
ReplyDeleteWhy not now? The timing just doesn't quite feel right yet. We're expecting our 4th, will be relocating out of country this time next year... But once we get settled, and the 4th is a little older? I think we'll be rocking and rolling soon after. It's never been an 'option' for us; that's how strongly we feel about it. Can't wait.
Time. :( I'm so discouraged by how much time is needed (here in Canada) for training, courses, etc. My husband works a very relentless job with very little time to spare ... I don't know how to go about getting us THERE timewise ... but my heart ACHES!! ACHES.... :(
ReplyDeleteAdopted two siblings as toddlers and although the love I have for them is the same as my 3 'originals,' it has certainly taught me to love like Jesus and that love is indeed a daily choice, not just a fleeting feeling. Definitely had to work on bonding and still do. They had a loving mother that they knew and were with until the day they moved in to my home so our transition has been different than most I dare say. But I wouldn't change it for the world and they were handpicked for us and we are complete!
ReplyDeleteWe are in process! We are very excited. But, I think I have more fears than my husband. He is uber confident. I worry about being exhausted with all the kids, sibling rivalry, understanding a new culture, on & on.....
ReplyDeleteI know God will give me what I need!
i got behind so i've answered everyone that i can through e-mail because it was easier than trying to post here/scroll back up & read/answer, etc.
ReplyDeletefor those that had questions, but no e-mail linked to your account:
anne dye: this is so exciting to me. the best resource that i can think of would be this one
http://www.projecthopeful.org/
i hope you can find some answers here. they have a whole section of resources. [seriously excited to see His plan for you unfold.]
anon: how do you know? hmmm, for me, i just KNEW. with everything in my heart. and matt agreed. everyone probably has a little different story. i will soon post many other ways that our family personally loves to care for orphans. maybe one of those will call to you while your heart figures it out!
anon megan: cost. yes, it is expensive. my answer is that it was the best, most humbling thing we ever did as a family. we allowed our friends, church, family, small group to bless us by donating, buying our fundraising projects & helping us raise $6,000 at a garage sale. i would NEVER want to ask ANYONE for help, but i've never what a blessing i'm stealing from them.
also, i prayerfully made myself much more vulerable here...on my blog. because God asked me to do that, it has allowed SO MANY people to come alongside us & also inspired [by God, not me!] many, many more families to figure out their role in orphan care. i love that. nothing i would've ever chosen, but so good. i know you've probably heard it a million times, but it is SO TRUE...He will provide. this is God's heart.
rachel: i think that fear is always sitting quietly in the back until you hold your child for the first time. i think you have a good hold on things. aware of potential factors, but letting truth & excitement outweigh that. i'm so happy for you! seriously.
i think i got the other questions in e-mail. [nudge me if not!]
love this, you all. thank you. will check back!
I love this. I'm quoting from this on FB. : ) Love your heart.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have both felt called to adopt always. Yet, things keep getting in the way. $, jobs, school etc. Our life is sort of in limbo while he's in the process of going full-time Army and I'm starting to wonder if we will ever be financially stable enough to adopt. We are young, so I know there's time, but right now I'm just angry that money is stopping us...and the thought that *our* child could already be born just waiting on our financial situation to calm breaks my heart. Sorry to be the negative poster.
ReplyDeleteI only wait for my reluctant husband. ;) Have thought of adoption and prayed about it for over a year and couldn't be MORE READY!!! Even our three biological children are on board and want to as badly as I do.
ReplyDeleteWe just wait (sometimes not as patiently as we should) for daddy to listen to God when He calls his heart and leads him in the same direction we are anxious to venture!
I've always felt led to Africa, the kids say China. We shall see where God leads us, all. Maybe both directions! Wouldn't that be incredible?! Send us Lord, I'm waiting and eager!
Beautiful photo
ReplyDeleteI definitely plan to adopt and am on the fence about starting the process right now. What holds me back is that I am a single woman and the process looks absolutely overwhelming to me. I also live in Canada and we don't have the same selection when it comes to agencies that you have. Referrals and the waiting period seem to take a lot longer up here, why I'm not sure. So do I wait until "Mr. Right" comes along or do I start the process now, on my own and trust that everything will unfold in God's perfect time?
ReplyDeleteWe felt the call in October 2008. Our call was to Ghana where we traveled as a family (husband, me, then 13 year old daughter and 11 year old son). We found our little guy (age 2 1/2) and after nearly two years our little guy arrived home nine weeks ago. What a blessing he is to our family. It is incredible to watch this little boy thrive. He is growing like a weed, two inches in nine weeks! His English is improving in leaps and bounds. He loves to give hugs and kisses. He loves when the weekend hits because dad and the big kids stay home with us.
ReplyDeleteThe road was long and hard. At times we weren't sure we would ever get him home but God brought people into our lives that could help. He provided the financial means. He provided much needed patience.
There are good days and there are bad days. There are easy days and there are hard days. But our family would not be complete without our little miracle from Ghana. The good definitely outweighs the bad.
right now, uscis is holding us back. :) can't wait to get that little snippet of immigration approval in the mail...
ReplyDeleteI love this. I've only been married a year and my hubs and I are living in Africa for a bit now. We've both had the desire to adopt internationally since before we even started dating. So many things that are holding us back now: a) being so newly married, b) paying off his school debt is our #1 financial priority c) right now, we're living in Africa off of one (very teeny tiny) salary and are doing good to just take care of ourselves! :)
ReplyDeleteUntil then, I love reading stories like yours. I cry so often. So beautiful!
But, oh, my heart. I look forward to the day we are able to bring our own precious one home.
I actually blogged about adoption today and linked back to your story. :)
Blessings.
My husband and I would love to adopt! I do fear that I would have the patience and strength for a 5th child...but I know God is able to give me those!
ReplyDeletePlease pray we sell our house which is on the market, so we can move to the suburb that we have a church in and be closer to our flock...then we can pursue adoption:)!
Also please pray we know what type of adoption to pursue!
Love your heart!!!!
I haven't read any of the comments (yet), but I can say right now that I want to adopt..just not yet. It seems like it's not the season of children in my life quite yet.
ReplyDeleteWhat an awesome post! My husband and I just brought our daughter home from Georgia (the state, not the country) in July. For us, adoption has been just amazing. The love we felt for her has been no different then the love we felt for our bioloical daughters. The #1 question I get asked is how to afford it. For us, we had support from family/friends and we also got many adoption grants. Between those two things, it paid for about half of our adoption. Praise God! Also, I want to point out that there is the adoption tax credit you can use once you finalize. And, for those called to foster to adopt an older child, it is basically free to adopt a waiting child (ren). Many don't realize that. As an adoptive mom, and sister to eleven siblings, I just want to say that adoption has opened my mind and heart in more ways than I ever could have imagined.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this Love. Hope you didn't mind that I shared our story a bit. :)
I have often thought about adoption and there are so many obstacles to overcome: time, patience, money, red tape, etc. But what scares me the most is the horror stories of babies being taken from mommas and sold. There have been so many stories in the news about the corruption, how do you know for sure? I worry about the black market and even domestically, young women being coerced. Sometimes I wonder if we were just more willing to support the pregnant girl, without the promise of getting her baby as a result. I would hate to be the cause of a mother's ultimate sorrow. I just don't know....
ReplyDeleteJB, Michigan
jessie--it's true that we have responsibility to be careful, exercise discernment & do tons of research. these things MUST be done.
ReplyDeleteand, obviously, adoption isn't the final answer to the orphan crisis. empowering and educating women is a HUGE part of this. that's why i will list some of my favorite organizations that do this when i write the orphan care post.
BUT, the fact remains that they are over 140 MILLION orphans. we can't fix that by just supporting the women. many of the situation are done already. is it heart-breaking and full of sorrow? YES. but, we can't let the fear of "what if's" stand in the way of getting these children into a safe, loving places...and ultimately a family if we can.
should we support at-risk women?
should we adopt?
should we support orphan care ministries?
YES.YES.YES.
we have to do it all. and i know that "it all" is overwhelming....that is why we all have to take what part of it God has caller OUR hearts to and DO IT.
Yes! I had to giggle recently b/c I started a new anon blog about adopting, subtracting from the orphan numbers and you left a comment. I turned to G and said, "I don't think she knows it's mine." But we've already picked out a couple agencies, have the information and the one we're most interested in working with has been keeping up with us and G's deployment. The goal is to next Septemeber begin trying again for a baby and an adoption at the same time. The joke is that we're crazy and will end up with 3 at one time. Eh, I'll leave that up to God.
ReplyDeleteI think finances are the biggest worry, as we're a single income military family. But we're planning to keep tucking money away and I'm going to be creating some awesome things for etsy as well as hopefully hosting some frundraising teas. God has called us to this, and He'll make it happen.
We feel the calling, I feel the calling so greatly but its the numbers that scare me to death. Where in the world to come up with somewhere between 25 and 30,000 dollars! That shouldn't be such a factor but if I'm being honest it's the only thing holding us back from truly making the leap. I want to have absolute faith but wowza that's a big number!
ReplyDeleteSo I DO NOT read blogs about adoption or orphans because my heart can't take it. Well, let me amend. I read the blogs of my dear friends that are or have adopted. So, my friend is in Africa right now and I'm keeping up with her. My husband and I are feeling the call to go in August and be with the kiddos. I'm asking for more confirmation from the Lord b/c it's a big step for us to just go. Today, I read my friend's blog and she mentions you and for some reason I click on you. Then click on "Clayton's journey home." Almost fell off the couch. Clayton Elijah is your boy. Elijah Clayton is mine. It's a subtle thing from the Lord that says "I'm in this and I see you and am moving you."
ReplyDeleteThere's much holding me back at this point but I think the biggest thing is fear of the pain that I'm going to feel when I know the stories of the orphans and the truth of their need. My heart can't bear the pain. But he's moving me and I'll get there.