trying to serve some to myself.
I've been thinking a lot about how much grace we can give others.
We pass it out to our friends. And we mean it.
Affording myself the same dose of grace is hard to do.
I'm figuring out that I'm the mom of a 6 year old.
[for the past 4 months.]
I have so much that I hope for her.
that she knows how fully loved she is.
how it isn't her job to parent.
that her self worth may always [only] be found in Him.
that she doesn't feel lost in the shuffle.
that she care about others more than herself.
If I were my own friend, I'd have a lot of grace to give myself.
A lot of wonderful examples of things that Matt & I are doing right.
But, the truth is that I am me.
It hit me even more yesterday of how very SIX she is.
As she carefully selected how she would spend $20 she had been gifted,
she weighed her options.
She chose the bean bag that she has been saving for.
And this beautiful, grown-up mug to drink milk out of:
Matt & I are doing some re-arranging today.
I think it will help.
I know it is not all about things.
Trust me, we value our time with our kids.
Even one-on-one time with each child.
But, I'm realizing that she is living in a 4 year old's room.
She needs space to think, create & just be.
[What does your 6 year old love to do? Seriously. I'd love to hear.]
So, I've gotten it out and I hope that it feels better now.
It's not fun to feel like you're failing your child.
I'm going to re-arrange now & ask myself for a little dose of grace.
We pass it out to our friends. And we mean it.
Affording myself the same dose of grace is hard to do.
I'm figuring out that I'm the mom of a 6 year old.
[for the past 4 months.]
I have so much that I hope for her.
that she knows how fully loved she is.
how it isn't her job to parent.
that her self worth may always [only] be found in Him.
that she doesn't feel lost in the shuffle.
that she care about others more than herself.
If I were my own friend, I'd have a lot of grace to give myself.
A lot of wonderful examples of things that Matt & I are doing right.
But, the truth is that I am me.
It hit me even more yesterday of how very SIX she is.
As she carefully selected how she would spend $20 she had been gifted,
she weighed her options.
She chose the bean bag that she has been saving for.
And this beautiful, grown-up mug to drink milk out of:
I think it will help.
I know it is not all about things.
Trust me, we value our time with our kids.
Even one-on-one time with each child.
But, I'm realizing that she is living in a 4 year old's room.
She needs space to think, create & just be.
[What does your 6 year old love to do? Seriously. I'd love to hear.]
So, I've gotten it out and I hope that it feels better now.
It's not fun to feel like you're failing your child.
I'm going to re-arrange now & ask myself for a little dose of grace.
The only 6 yo in my house at the moment is a boy. He makes pictures for his mom and dad. He plays karate with his brother. He gives out kisses and hugs with abandon (we have to remind him to give handshakes and high fives to friends at school!). We love him very much.
ReplyDeleteMy 7 yo and 8 yo girls play school, store, doctor, mommy, etc. My 7 yo especially loves to write stories. We're saving them all.
This is so very true! When Boo was six I just wanted to soak all of her in! She was so excited to try everything, to be the one to push the limits that others set for her. She was (and still is) so very strong willed.
ReplyDeleteShe loved to sit at her table and just draw, color, read, talk, just about anything that she could do alone. She has always been so independent like that.
I know I haven't been reading all THAT long, but I think you handle parenthood with more grace than so many, many of the mothers I see out in the world.
ReplyDeleteWhat about a corner with a special desk where she can write letter and draw books. That is what my 7 year old loves more than anything...and a cozy chair for reading :)
ReplyDeleteYou are a beautiful example of motherhood, Love.
Jenn
What a cutie pie! My 5 1/2 year old Claire is a riot. She loves to sing and rather loudly I might add. She is so into art right now and she is quite good. Sometimes she thinks she need to parent her brother, and he is 10. We call her mini me!
ReplyDeleteI told her the other day that it looked like she grew again and I said she needed to stop that. She said, "Mom I don't know how, but I will talk to God and see what he can do!" From the mouths of babes, can't get any better than that!
I did a post on Claire's room. I'd love you to check it out, its called "Use what you have decorating.... Claire's room"
God's grace is sufficient! Trust me on this one. As the parent of 3 daughters (11, 14, & 15- two of whom are sharing a tiny room), we do what we can, and pray and believe that God will fill in the gaps. That HE will cover the places where we lack. And oh boy, do we lack sometimes!
ReplyDeleteHappy re-arranging!
God bless you! We are always so hard on ourselves, aren't we? Be good and kind to yourself.
ReplyDeletei think your a wonderful mother and i sometimes wish i was a little more like you, you seem so patiant and placid.....it is a big scary world out there and i tooo worry so much for my little boy who is 4. im always telling him how smart, handsome, brave, big, clever and loved he is beause i know there is a big bad world out there that can just drag him down.
ReplyDeleteAnother beautiful post and such a beautiful picture.
ReplyDeleteShe's going to remember you taking this time for her and that means a lot.
i truly believe that she is happy no matter where she is...as long as she has you!
ReplyDeletesweet girl, i don't know if this will make you feel better or worse because you can see that you have a longgg way to go, but i was feeling the same way about my 11-year-old son last week. i was soo emotional about it that when the cashier at wal mart was so nice to me i broke down in tears. i didn't sleep because i kept thinking "does he know how much i love him? does he know how much i admire him for the big boy he is becoming? does he feel lonely like i did at that age? when was the last time i stopped to tell him what he means to me or just to hug him?" and then the thought crossed my mind (briefly) that if i am feeling this way about the love and time i give to my three boys what am i doing bringing another child to our family? this i couldn't write about in my blog for fear that i may actually get a comment from someone (like family who aren't real supportive anyway) and i would feel worse. so just know that you have sooo many people around you going through the same kind of things and the really cool part is that you have tomorrow to make yourself feel better. tomorrow is always good for grace. and you deserve some yourself. i deserve some. we all deserve some. we are good enough for grace. hoping you can feel my love. kendra
ReplyDeleteShe is ADORABLE...I'm a sucker for big brown eyes. My 6-yr. old boy has those big brown (he calls them chocolate) eyes and I can't get enough of them! He's very much into drawing detailed photos from his imagination, finding worms outside (I know...gross!), annoying his big sisters and saying the cutest, funniest things I've ever heard. He makes me laugh every day and tells me I'm his sweetest little mommy in the whole wide world. Melts my heart every time! I love kissing his fat cheeks and giving him hugs. He's getting tall now, and pretends he doesn't like my affection as much. I'm holding on to his little-boyness as tight as I can. He's my little man in a house full of girls (except for his dad, that is). Didn't know what I was going to do with a boy when we had him, but LOVE him so much!!! He's a total joy.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I feel for you in the changing the little girl room into a big girl room. I've had to do it with 2 of my girls already. It pained me to paint over those soft yellow walls and butterflies & flowers & picket fences that I had so painstaikenly painted there. Isn't it funny how they grow up all of a sudden? You suddenly realize they are ready to move on from the little girl stuff? Oh, how sad I was when my girls no longer wanted their Barbies in their room and I had to pack up their stuffed animals. Your daughter isn't quite there yet (mine were 8 & 10 when they got tired of it). The only thing keeping me going at that point was the knowledge that they had a baby sister who would play with those things with as much love and enjoyment as they had. She's now 3 1/2 and having me drag all the barbies and little ponies and polly pockets out of their resting places. And I don't even mind stepping over all of it in my living room, especially when I hear her singing with them and making up little stories. Does my heart good!
Your daughter is growing up, that's true. And as bittersweet as it is for you (I'm there with my son, too), know that with each age might come new challenges, but also new joys. Watching them mature into wonderful young adults is such a reward as well! And, once you see the joy on your daughters face for giving her her own space, any doubts you may have will disappear! My Mom (who was the oldest in her family of 8 kids) always tries to remind me that being the oldest is HARD and to remember that with my Hannah. They have so many more responsibilities than the younger ones and try to be little Mommies even when we don't want them to. It's just what they do. You're doing a great job with your kids and it's obvious you relish all your time with them. Your posts make me stop and think...that's why I check in often!
God Bless you & yours!
My once upon a time 6 year old, oldest child of 4 children, turns 13 in 4 days. Children raised bringing glory to God as their parents show them how are very well served. Keep serving your daughter in this way!
ReplyDeleteWell, I was 6 twenty years ago, does that count? :)
ReplyDeleteYou are doing an amazing job with her! The fact that you care about her so much and are dedicating this time to her will be remembered.
For myself, when I was 6, (at the time I only had the one brother, it wasn't until I was 7 that I got the next in line), I just liked to feel like I was the oldest. I wanted to be included in things. That mug is gorgeous! You might try taking time with her once a week (and maybe you already do this) where you have "coffee" together (milk or milky coffee for her), and you talk about what's been going on in her week. Having worked with a lot of kindergarten/first graders, you will be amazed at what they remember as the highlights from their week!
The oldest child can sometimes feel like they have to help parent (and sometimes we enjoy it!). It will help shape part of her personality, but in good ways. She will probably turn out to be responsible and caring. I would say a spot of her own might be exactly what you are looking for. A place to read and dream that is hers.
Oh, and I just wrote a post about you (because I finally took my Africa Love coffee cozy for a spin yesterday!).
We have a 6 year old that we don't see everyday, but I'm sure he doesn't change pace just for us. The biggest thing I see in him right now is imagination. He is always playing pretend, with cars, with other children, etc. The one thing that I don't see him enjoy as often is learning. It seems as though they love to learn when they are little, but when they get older it really comes to a halt. Maybe it is just boys, maybe not. They can be so different from girls and yet the same all at once.
ReplyDeleteAlso, 6 years old is a tough place. They know they aren't babies anymore and can't act like one, but at the same time they try to act 20 and that doesn't work out for them either. I'm sure these are just the right years for them to be finding out who they are and who they want to become.
You lead a wonderful example, so I by no means think you are failing her. Hope your rearranging goes wonderfully!
she is so sweet...what a beautiful mug she picked out! I wonder what goes thru her mind when she's drinking out of such a grownup mug? Hopefully whatever it is, it fills her heart with happiness!
ReplyDeleteWe all have these days.
ReplyDeleteLoooooots of these days.
You know that, right??
My favorite quote to remember during those days is "if I were a perfect parent, my child wouldn't need a Savior."
My bad parenting leads my child to Christ ;) Hallelujah!!!!
I'm being kinda silly, but it's still true. :)
We do need to give ourselves more grace don't you think? I mean, I am WAY harder on me than anyone else. That is crazy!
ReplyDeletePS She is beautiful.
ReplyDelete