our answer

i heard someone say in college, God always answers us...it could be "yes", "no" or "not right now." after thinking about it, i really do agree. maybe if we're not getting an answer it is because it's just not the answer WE want. or, maybe that "non-answer" is really a "not right now."

matt and i have always talked about children. maybe you remember me saying before: we named our children on our 2nd date. we thought we would probably want 4 children, so we named 3 girls and 3 boys. (yes, we've stuck to them.) it's a pretty amazing thought that we dreamed about and prayed for our 3 girls, by name, several years before they were even conceived. as we welcomed our 3rd little girl into the family, we naturally started thinking about how we now had to come up with a 4th girl's name. it was just "part of us" to assume that we would be having another baby. i suppose because of those initial conversations about having 4 children. so, after (pretty much) deciding on bianca or clayton....in my mind, i'm already their mom. i already have a little bianca or a little clayton.

obviously our girls are very close in age, since chloe is the oldest at 3 1/2. we had decided that was right for us, too. my heart overflows with gratitude and humbleness that "our plan" actually lined up with His plan for us. if possible, we would like them to be no more than 2 years apart. so, i guess i kind of feel like we are at that point where we need to get going for that 4th one. ;)

after much prayer and our talk....we've come up with a "not right now." *sigh* i really did think that it was time, and that it wouldn't even be an issue. but, it was made clear to us yesterday that now is not the right time. we were "scheduled" to talk about it last night. so, that timing was an obvious answer for us.

i'm at peace knowing that although now is not the time, there is a plan that far exceeds my hopes. although my heart longs for bianca or clayton...this time is meant for something else.

i have been blessed beyond belief and am so grateful for my husband and our 3 precious girls. for now, that's where i'll be...in the moment with them.