cold.
i sneak away to the shower for five minutes. i think i say five,
but hope for ten more than that. the kids aren't even doing anything wrong...
just need a little break. the season change snuck up on me, i think. it's the end
of december in northern indiana, but the bitter, bitter cold always surprises me still.
i find myself jealous of animals that get to hibernate. i really did want snow this year
though. the boys are so ready to have a good accumulation to jump into, sled &
have a real snowball fight. on christmas eve, the kids said a short, but heartfelt
prayer in unison: dear God-snow please. amen. nico came to me with his head
down christmas morning. no snow, mama. the other kids, already piled high in our bed,
lamented with him. one declared, God didn't hear our prayer! i love how i'm reminding
and teaching myself as much in these moments as i am the kids. He heard us, He heard us!
sometimes it's just not time yet. or sometimes He just has something even better for us.
they knock on the locked bathroom door and i yell out,
BE OUT IN FIVE MINUTES.
they pound after three more and i go through a list of thanks.
it's like my deep breath and counting to ten.
i finally reach for a towel and i cry a little as i throw it down.
it's been left sitting in the washer too long and its smell is my
breaking point for tears. back to adding to my mental thankful list again.
i have so much to be grateful for and especially in this season,
the fact that it's bitter cold without fluffy snow and the uncomfortableness
of trying to switch to long pants & long sleeves isn't really that good of
a reason to be mopey. even the towel is silly--especially when there are 20
others in this house. my yucky, yucky heart.
there is so much hope and love and joy....
i'm hopeful that my heart catches up with my head quickly.
We all have these moments. The cold and gloom tends to grab me during the harsh ND winters, too.
ReplyDeleteI am the queen of leaving things "a little too long" in the washer. Oops.
*Hugs* Oh how I love your sweet (even mopey) heart!
ReplyDeleteI really love and appreciate your honesty!
ReplyDeleteWe need moments like this to remind us of the beauty in happier times. How can we ever expect to truly understand appreciation and love without experiencing moments like this? Little or big, they make us, shape us and define how we interpret every other moment in time.
ReplyDeleteKeep your chin up, momma. It'll be better tomorrow.
I really love and appreciate your honesty!
ReplyDeleteOh! It is okay to cry.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get a longer shower next - with no door pounding & a fresh towel at the end. :)
truth
ReplyDeletei so get this, i've so been there.
ReplyDelete<3
I took a shower before anyone got up this morning- when I could have slept in! But I love when there are no knocks. My hands are so cold typing this, too!
ReplyDeleteSteph
~BIG hug~
ReplyDeleteWith baby expected in 4 months and a 2 year old to chase around, I have these moments often Love. All of our snow got washed away by rain today, trying not to be mopey too.
ReplyDeletei definitely know the feeling and sometimes there aren't even good reasons as to why i'm feeling that way! thanks for sharing and reminding us that it's normal to know our hearts and heads aren't always in the same place...but that they'll get there!
ReplyDelete**i received my beaded necklaces the other day and got so excited when i found the name of which child packaged my beads...chloe! :) i've already worn them twice and received so many compliments!
You hang in there.
ReplyDeleteAnd put those towels back in the washer with some vinegar, good as new. )
xx-Z
I'm so feeling the "I hope that my heart catches up with my head quickly" feeling. Well said, my friend.
ReplyDeleteahh, i feel you. & it seems the shower is the only place to get away sometimes. Chin up :) Good idea to have a mental thankful list.. i need to try that..
ReplyDeleteI am able to take showers with no problem...and sometimes that is what makes me cry.
ReplyDeleteTonight at Chuck E. Cheese amidst the screaming children and the whirling machines I cried. I don't even know why.
I am sorry about the wash. And the lack of snow. I am sort of delighted we don't have snow, but I am sad for your boys since they want it so badly.
Wishing you a happy Thursday. Love, Becky
I am so glad you posted this! There have been times when I have felt this way too.
ReplyDeleteI adore your blog.
ReplyDeleteI have been reading for awhile now but just recently have found so much inspiration in you and your words.
I thought it was because you did so much for so many. But today I've discovered the real reason I appreciate your blog so much - you're real.
I used to think why oh why can't I be everything to my 3 children that you are to your 7.
Today made me realize you have moments just like I do and your honesty about them and willingness to share is so appreciated!
Wishing you a wonderful day with lots of snow (I'm in Indy . . .we did have some magnificent snow on Tuesday!) and non-stinky towels (I have those too!).
~kris
me too with the heart/head thing. i've been praying that very same thing over and over this past week.
ReplyDeleteyou are a breath of fresh hope in my mornings. love you, dearie.
I love your blog, your kids, your house, your passion. I admire you.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I also have a passion for children and would like to adopt from Africa someday (soon), Lord willing.
Right now we currently have four kids (two bio, two foster) ages 7, 6, 5, 4 yrs. The work is exhausting but rewarding. The blessings far outweigh the sacrifice but I'm just wondering.... how do you do it all? I homeschool my bio 6yr old. Our foster 7yr old is public schooled, the "littles" are with me 24/7. we do sports and library and homeschool co-ops. I try to cook at home at least 5 days a week. Laundry just laughs in my face, i never stay on top of it. And my house? is a MESS.... almost ALL the time. how do you keep everything neat and tidy AND meet all the needs of your kids? you're pretty amazing. just sayin'. ;)