oh, sometimes.
sunday, after church, we all went out to eat. i enjoy going out to eat with our family, but for the most part, it is a lot of work. i don't mind it, i just know what i need to do. the kids know the rules and we engage them. i talk with them about their day, play connect-the-dots with them, color, count sugar packets...
and while fully engaged, a woman walked to our table and said to matt, "man, i feel so sorry for you! you and all these girls. i hope you have a boy dog at home." [as she stood right next to clayton
in his high chair.]
honestly? think about what that says to our girls and their self-worth. think about what it says to
our boy who was completely ignored.
how do you say in 30 seconds:
that we were all perfectly content to have a family that included 4 girls?
that God had an even better plan for our family though.
that we didn't "ask" for a boy......
but are thankful every single day that we have one.
how do you say in a 30 second meeting with a stranger that the baby boy that they are standing
right over [and completely ignoring] is just exactly the same part of our family as his 4 sisters
sitting beside him?
and while fully engaged, a woman walked to our table and said to matt, "man, i feel so sorry for you! you and all these girls. i hope you have a boy dog at home." [as she stood right next to clayton
in his high chair.]
honestly? think about what that says to our girls and their self-worth. think about what it says to
our boy who was completely ignored.
how do you say in 30 seconds:
that we were all perfectly content to have a family that included 4 girls?
that God had an even better plan for our family though.
that we didn't "ask" for a boy......
but are thankful every single day that we have one.
how do you say in a 30 second meeting with a stranger that the baby boy that they are standing
right over [and completely ignoring] is just exactly the same part of our family as his 4 sisters
sitting beside him?
i'm usually very happy to share our story, but quite honestly, i was in shock.
and i had some coloring to finish.
People said the same thing to me when I had my little boy. "You finally got your boy!" "Thank goodness you got a boy!" I never really felt that way, at ALL! Our son is God's gift to us, just as all 3 of our precious girls are. God knows our needs! Some people just have no idea, they really think they are saying the right thing. You're right though, I don't know what you could have said that would have shut her up! lol
ReplyDeleteThe ignorance of some people continues to blow me away...
ReplyDeleteClay is so blessed to have you as his mother, his sisters as HIS SISTERS and your husband as his father.
Oh my...God chose you and your family for this specific reason, because He knew you'd understand and LOVE his plan.
ReplyDeleteIgnorant people are the worst. I have never met you or your family, but let me assure you that you have stirred something in my heart, a need for a large family, whether biological or adopted. Love knows no boundries, and love is color blind. I hope the woman you encountered experiences something wonderful in her life and that her eyes and heart get opened to all the beauty in the world.
People speak without thinking...she thought she was being funny and "original." We all know that she was not!
ReplyDeleteWe heard that a lot (you finally got your boy) when we had our boy after 2 girls. I never had a strong urge for one over the other...just whatever God gave us would be perfect. Then our 4th came along and another girl! A sweet, ornery, energetic, entertaining little girl who everyone in this house adores. It was hard to hear "another girl?" when she was born...like it was a curse or something! I've loved every minute of each and every one of my kids, regardless of their gender(although the 13 & 11 yr. old girls are challenging me on this every day!).
Clay is a wonderful, welcome addition to your family. Thank you for sharing him with us! You are all so blessed to have one another! ;)
We've had SO many ignorant comments, just about family size in general...my "favorite" was
ReplyDelete"Catholic or careless?"
??????
Also, I cannot tell you HOW many people have told me they're sorry for me when we had Asher, our 3rd boy, and Lily was still the only girl. Praise God He gave me complete peace...I never felt like I wanted one gender over another.
And when Tessa & Hannah were with us for 2 years, we had SO many comments.......one time in an elevator (so nowhere to escape!) a lady asked, are these 2 yours? To which I replied yes. She looked at me incredulous and said, "bbbut, they're brown. And you're not"
All I could say was "are you serious?"
I am so thankful for your family, and for all the love and confidence you give Clay, so that no matter what "the world" says, he knows who he is, who loves him, and that God, his Heavenly Father, chose YOU to be his family!
I personally could've responded in five seconds flat, with my middle finger.
ReplyDeleteI just hate that attitude. I hate that people ask me if I wanted Tommy to be a girl, like he's somehow LESS because he's a boy. And so to think of how you must feel, someone ignoring the fact that you DO have a son is simply infuriating.
People can be so ignorant and so thoughtless. Those who speak before thinking. Those who will shock us with their hurtful words. They are the one's with the problem. You are such a good mommy and person. Don't forget it!
ReplyDeleteIt goes both ways for sure! I have 3 boys and am due any day w/ my 4th (a surprise! one that we treasure - boy or girl) and I hear it all the time. And no - I have 3 boys and 2 male pets so I am the only girl.
ReplyDeletePeople ask all the time if I'm going to "try for a girl" or if I'll be disappointed if my baby is a boy. Seriously? What am I supposed to do? Throw him back and cast for a girl?
Most of the boy comments are along the "BOY you have your hands full!" and "I could never handle that many boys" lines. I hate it! My family is perfect, thanks!
I think THAT would have been very appropriate! UGH! I know I've done it before too! made that awkard comment that you know didn't set right. Definately next time respond. If I was the one who said that, and your gracious response would have got me thinking....in fact, it did get me thinking =)
ReplyDeleteWe have four little girls and get those comments all. the. time. While that's bad enough and I always counter that we wouldn't have it any other way, your story really breaks my heart for Clay. :(
ReplyDeleteOh wow. People sure can say the stupidest things. I am sorry you had to deal with that, but you are strong and are content with the Blessings God has given. And you can see and accept His plan for your family! Too bad that woman cannot see that....I hope she can someday so as not to miss out on so much He has to offer! :)
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm out with our crew and the little white skinned red headed boy I watch....someone always asks how I got a redhead. It's kind of fun to tell them he's the only one that isn't mine! People don't get it....big families, adoption, interracial families.....God gets it. That's all I care about. Pray for her eyes to be opened.
ReplyDeleteWe have 2 girls and we want 4 to 5 kids too...I have a feeling that were going to have all girls and am totally fine with it...people already make comments too like when are you going for your boy...so annoying!
ReplyDeletesometimes people just really say ignorant things without meaning to, or meaning anything by it. and i know people also love to make ignorant comments about big families! oh well.
ReplyDeletehave it old you before that my mom is one of 15 (yes, 15) kids and i love, love love big families and the gift my grandparents gave to ME by having such a large family? cousins, aunts, uncles, second-cousins....
Unfortunately I can relate. We even had a man in church tell Eric how sorry he was for him...that he had so much fun with his sons....urgh!!!! I about hit him:)! God chooses what our family looks like...not us. I'm happy and content with His choice!
ReplyDeleteI hate to say this...but I would just about assume that the lady didn't think Clay was YOUR son. I would just about assume that she thought you were watching him for a friend. Unfortunately, she has a lot of growing up to do. Clay was YOUR son from the moment he drew breath. He was YOUR son from the moment God knew he was coming and thought, "Hmmmm, Love would be the perfect Mom for him." That right there is what made him YOUR son...not where he was born or who gave birth.
ReplyDeleteSome people still think that only couples who can't conceive adopt. And that's just sad.
I know personally, my husband and I can't wait to foster parent and adopt more kids into our family. Such a blessing that we get to grow in that way!
Sorry, that comment from "Anonymous" was me. I got a little fired up and hit enter too many times. lol.
ReplyDeleteIt's unfortunate that so many people (most often strangers) speak before thinking, and I always imagine them mulling over those words later, feeling regret, and
ReplyDeletenot being able to tell you they are sorry. That makes me sad for them most of all. But it also gives me hope that they'll learn from it and say something more appropriate next time. Or nothing at all. :)
Steph
I have a hard time keeping my mouth closed. I would have had no problem saying something and letting that person feel embarrassed so they could learn a lesson. Just gotta do what you gotta do. p.s. don't have to be mean about it, just informative :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that happened to you. And all we can do for that lady is pray for her...with our kids...that God will soften her heart and make a change.
ReplyDeleteOR
Saying "And how does that concern you?" always seems to work to. :0)
Every single time we take our 4 boys and 1 girl out and about someone will approach us and make a comment about "finally getting a girl" or some such thing... I've explained to my boys that we didn't keep having babies until we got a girl - that we feel blessed to have each one of them. And we would have had 5 no matter what. But still... I'd be lying if I didn't admit it DOES bother me when people devalue the value of my boys. sigh.
ReplyDeleteOr... to paraphrase that adorable football movie with Sandra Bullock, the one with the title that is completely eluding me at the moment...
ReplyDelete"Honey, who ever would have thought we'd have a black son before we met a rude person?"
People are so clueless! and rude! We have 4 amazing boys and I always hear "Are you going to keep trying for that girl?" My comment to you would have been..."You have such a beautiful family!" I love watching big families. ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou're so much nicer than me.
ReplyDeleteI'd be wondering how to form my response without including the F-bomb in front of my kids.
...like I wrote--you're so much nicer than me!
My girls are 12 and 15 and we still get sympathy from strangers and tell us that its not too late to add to our family and maybe we will get that boy that hubs always wanted. When he replies he is happy with the girls they tell him he is just saying that because he isn't being true to himself.
ReplyDeletegah!
((hugs))
GAH! SO STUPID!
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the glass ceiling. Apparently, they've installed it at restaurants near your church.
I would totally have said something rude to that person and then felt bad about being rude in front of kids. Something like, "You are standing by my son and I think dogs are the devil's playthings."
(I don't really, I love dogs).
I have had people ask me why we had a 4th child, too, when we had 2 girls, then a boy. They all assumed we were 'done' with 3. But, we had 4 and she was a girl. And no, my husband and I weren't disappointed or anything to have another girl. We love all of our children the same and we love them A LOT!
ReplyDeleteOur family is what it is because God wanted it to be that way and we are blessed to have 4 beautiful children on earth and 1 angel waiting for us in heaven. No matter what gender they are, they are ours to love and nurture and guide through life and to not be rude to others like the woman in the restaurant was to you.
I honestly wish some people would just keep their words to themselves and as far as "assuming things"....well, you know the saying....
ReplyDeleteOn a happier note, I want to nibble on your boy's cheeks. :)
How rude, I think you should have just smiled and said you wouldn't have it any other way...and neither would their brother.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother was one of five daughers (no sons), and I am one of four girls (no brothers). When my great-grandfather was once asked how he ended up with "all those girls," he replied, "Just lucky, I suppose!" I know my dad--and your husband, I'm sure--feel the same way!
ReplyDeleteLOVE LOVE LOVE your blog and your beautiful family! You had left a sweet comment on our blog a few months back and I've been meaning to respond. I love to see other "big" families embrace their uniqueness (and sometimes chaos). :-)
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your newest member! What a handsome little guy!
-Eryn Cech
Mama to
Emerson Grace (Kazakhstan, 2005)
Miyako Claire (Japan, 2007)
& Nikko J (Japan, 2009)
I hear either "oh man I feel sorry for you" when I say I have three boys boys are so much easier than girls" which I never understood because I was WAY easier for my parents than my brother was.
ReplyDeleteAs far as overlooking your son... that stings! I can't even fully imagine what that would be like :(
Nell{Janelle}
What Erin said. :)
ReplyDeletexo-Z
i just found your blog through amy at lucky number 13 and have spent the last half hour cruising through your old posts. i adore your blog, your faith, and your whole family.
ReplyDeletein our house, when people say rude and insensitive things we like to call it potty mouth (for pretty obvious reasons) we've been on the receiving side of more potty mouth comments then i care to remember and each time i stop and pray for that person. i pray that God will help them to see what they just said so they can stop!