broken glass & hearts.

hurling and crashing and jagged edges stood at my feet and my heart 

felt just like them as they lay on the floor--broken in a way that i'm not

sure it had ever been before.  to love a child that was trying so hard to

make herself unloveable.  for a bit?  i didn't love her.  i wanted out.

i wanted my family safe.  my little babies safe.  my heart safe.

i didn't want its jagged edges to be spilled across the hardwood floor.

yet--what is safe?  yes, we must be wise as serpents, and we've listened when we've

heard that it was time to do something different--even when it was hard. but,

 after lifting my eyes & crying out about this particular time, i gently heard, 

you're not asking for safe right now; you're asking for easy.  

suddenly, my heart didn't really matter anymore.  i know the One who pieces

things back together. i know the routes that He asks us to take sometimes

are not always easy.  i begged for Him to help me love. 

Praise be to the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can 

comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Cor 1:4

there is was.  an unnatural calm, peace and a love that was not my own.

sometimes people like to put labels on others doing things that God has asked

them to do.  saints…patient...amazing.  let us be clear that me in this?  us in this?

it is only through His power.  i find myself again fully invested.  again, i want to fully

love, pour into and teach about this Fixer of Broken Things.  

as quickly as i began to love again, the ability to do so is ripped from my 

hands.  i don't have that choice any longer.  they slip from my hands and their jagged, 

sharp, broken edges that remain slice me open.  i throw my hands in the air and
weep at the mess that is sure to still come.  more broken sure to come off in slivers and
in big pieces.

i know that everything is a season & that i can't always see the end result.
i know that sometimes He just wants our yes.  it's there on the table.

even if that's where it will remain; it's there.

my flesh wants to protect itself again--safe and easy.  

i read the following quote from LOVE146's blog yesterday at 

just the perfect time.

Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain,

to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish.  Compassion challenges

us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep

with those in tears.  Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable

with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless.  Compassion means full 

immersion in the condition of being human.  -Henri Nouwen

i don't want safe or easy.  i want to be immersed in the brokenness in order to

help someone--anyone--see the One who can piece it all perfectly back together.

here i am, Lord.  use me.

-----------------------------

the Safe Kids will be leaving our home soon.  we'd like to send them with a Bible

and a stuffed animal that has a recording of us saying a verse that we've chosen

for each of the 4 of them.  we want to do it no matter what, but i was prompted

to let people share in that gift and blessing if they'd like to.  

if donations reach the full amount, button will be removed.

$35 x 4 stuffed animals w/ recordings & $15 x 4 Bibles = $200

[button has been removed as goal has been reached.  thank you for loving these children with us.]