crumbs.
there are crumbs in my bed. that might be one of the things that drives me the most
crazy. it just seems like the whole world is off. oh, and maybe it is. my little world
is off for sure. i can't do the normal cleaning, playing, exploring, venturing out. i mostly
do something and then lie down for a bit. make trips to the doctor & chiropractor.
walk to do something & lean against the wall breathing and praying that these
contractions won't be real for many, many weeks. i think of something that i might
be able to eat & lose it in the trash can again. sometimes, i just sob at the exhaustion
of it all, but then sob harder with guilt because i don't want it to be exhausting.
as if feeling this physical and emotional exhaustion somehow lessens how excited for
and loved these babies are.
i wrote that last week & then it felt better just to have typed it out, so it's been sitting in my
drafts folder. yet today, i feel the exact same way--even down to the crumbs in the bed that
i just came to lie down & rest in while matt took all the kids to drum & guitar lessons.
well, and add in more contractions this week, too. it's okay.
i know that everything that feels so off today will likely be better tomorrow.
yesterday, i made it my only goal of the day to get a shower. that kind of just made me giggle--
at the absurdity of it and the truth of it. i've found showers exhausting during
this twin pregnancy & i'm seriously considering a [geriatric] chair in there. we did our morning
routine & i couldn't believe that i still felt good enough to follow through with a shower AND
getting ready. the 7 kiddos loaded in the van & we checked out 14 books from the library,
stopped at the store for some fruit to snack on & played at the park. maybe i overdid it
yesterday, but mostly it's just how it goes, i think.
up and down as life.
i know this season will be over all too soon. not that the next one won't be awesome in
its own ways, but isn't it strange to never get it back? i'm going to get up and wipe these
crumbs away, rest for a bit & enjoy the loud dinnertime season that we are in right now.
sometimes, 4 kids are all trying to tell one exciting story and i cover my ears, close my
eyes and laugh before asking them to start again.
please, start again.
--------
linking up with the EO's just write.
i wrote that last week & then it felt better just to have typed it out, so it's been sitting in my
drafts folder. yet today, i feel the exact same way--even down to the crumbs in the bed that
i just came to lie down & rest in while matt took all the kids to drum & guitar lessons.
well, and add in more contractions this week, too. it's okay.
i know that everything that feels so off today will likely be better tomorrow.
yesterday, i made it my only goal of the day to get a shower. that kind of just made me giggle--
at the absurdity of it and the truth of it. i've found showers exhausting during
this twin pregnancy & i'm seriously considering a [geriatric] chair in there. we did our morning
routine & i couldn't believe that i still felt good enough to follow through with a shower AND
getting ready. the 7 kiddos loaded in the van & we checked out 14 books from the library,
stopped at the store for some fruit to snack on & played at the park. maybe i overdid it
yesterday, but mostly it's just how it goes, i think.
up and down as life.
i know this season will be over all too soon. not that the next one won't be awesome in
its own ways, but isn't it strange to never get it back? i'm going to get up and wipe these
crumbs away, rest for a bit & enjoy the loud dinnertime season that we are in right now.
sometimes, 4 kids are all trying to tell one exciting story and i cover my ears, close my
eyes and laugh before asking them to start again.
please, start again.
--------
linking up with the EO's just write.
Just know I am lifting you up today. Can't imagine your life (I get overwhelmed by one at times), but so thankful you share honestly. Your words are so inspiring! Your goal may just be a shower, but the lives you touch far outweigh any other goal you may have. Take care of yourself and your babies!
ReplyDeleteHow big is your van? I was wondering how in the world you all travel together? =)
ReplyDelete=) it's a full size van and seats 9. we were planning on having the back row converted to make it seat 10 with this babies, but then TWINS! =) so, we have a new one coming at the end of this month. same size, just converted differently!
DeleteThank you for your post! I feel this exact way and I'm just carrying one, and she's my first, so really I only have to take care of myself (and sometimes my husband and dog). Shower, rest, get dressed, rest, eat breakfast, rest, that's how my morning goes, and forget about the evening, I'm just exhausted! I'm lucky if I get anything done in my house!
ReplyDeleteLove your genuine heart's cry in this. Please know I am praying for you and that you prayed for often.
ReplyDeleteXOXOXO!
oh {{love}} I can feel everything you just wrote like it was yesterday. I know you are savoring every moment, even the hard ones, it's the only way. What a blessing it is carry a baby and to carry twins is nothing short of amazing. It will be over so soon and you'll look back and grin. What a blessed beautiful life, chaos, crumbs, weariness and all. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's a pull. In one breath I can look at one of my boys and desperately not want him one centimeter bigger. Then minutes later, something sets me off (like today, it was trying to talk on the phone for 5 minutes without complete craziness happening). I want to enjoy these sweet moments, "crumbs" and all. I guess I must pray for the grace daily, hourly, minute by minute... to be the kind of mother I need to be. Thanks for writing and reminding me we are all in this together :)
ReplyDeleteSince my littlest is only 4 months old, I remember all too well how challenging it was to get through the day when I was pregnant. A toddler who needed constant attention, and a sweet baby who took all I had so he could develop into the sweetness he is now. I only have two, so I can only multiply what you're feeling by a 100! Hang in there sweet mama :)
ReplyDeleteCarrying twins to term is the hardest physical work I have ever done. And I wasn't caring for any other children at the time! Keep resting, putting your feet up, getting those calories and resisting the urge to over-do it. Hang in there!
ReplyDelete~Krissy
Mama of Jonathan and Faith, born on 5-15-07 at 39 weeks gestation weighing 7.12oz's and 6.12oz's
Do get a chair for your shower! I had to sit on a chair for one of my pregnancies. The pain was just severe, all the time. It was hard to stand safely in the shower. The chair will make that a relaxing moment!
ReplyDeleteI love the cover your ears & please start over again. :)
I am praying for you