on fundraising.

this is not a fun post to write.  i've tried to not write it.  and i've slept on it hoping that

the feeling of needing to write it would go away, but it hasn't.  the truth is that although

i know that we should only be living for the audience of one, our reputations do matter.

i do care if people are coming to this quite personal space and feeling anger, resentment or

doubt about who i am at my core.  

the thing that i try my very hardest to always remember is that 

we will really never know someone's whole story.  ever.

that especially has to be true when knowing someone from their blog.  i'm not saying that

i'm a different person than what you see here.  in fact, i'd venture to say that my words here

are often more of my heart than i'd ever show to many people in 'real' life.  

what i'm saying is that it is impossible for anyone to know all of someone else's

circumstances, their intentions, their heart.

so, let me try to explain this with as much grace as i can muster.

i am not begging for people to fund our adoption on this blog.

no one's money from the purchase of their Let Love Grow shirt is being used

to build a 'mansion.'  i do not talk about my husband owning his own home building

business very often for very specific reasons.  i feel like i don't have a choice in that right now.

my husband is a wise, kind business man.   we have worked very hard...even in our college years..

to plan for our financial lives.  the 'mansion' you see us building is how God provides

for us to live, to give, to grow our family.  we build new homes pretty often and the

reasons for that remain ours and valid.  i'd really love if no assumptions could 

be made on how we may or may not spend God's resources.

we have always loved the act of worship in giving and, although

we don't do it for the blessing, i do believe that one of the reasons that we have been blessed

is because of our commitment to that.  we've worked hard to be virtually debt-free & the

truth is that we could probably somehow afford the expenses incurred in adoption all on

our own.....even if it meant securing an interest-free loan.

we chose to try to remain debt-free [except our mortgage] & not to do that.  

we prayed about it & it was important to us to humble ourselves enough to

allow others to come alongside us to pay for one specific expense this time.

i am not able to share our full story of our journey to the boys yet, but i 

can assure you that we did not know that God had two children for our

family.  [or that they'd be school age & even have some medical needs.]

but, we had not even one moment of doubt.  we know that these children

were chosen as ours since the beginning of time.  so, the extra plane ticket

home, the extra everythings--from being 2 children instead of 1 and for being

older which just kinda just means more of everything---all of that wasn't 'planned'

for, but we are not worried about it.  we trust that God will provide.

another thing about adoption is that the expenses don't exactly happen over a course of a long

time.  3/4 of the total ransom for our adoptions will be paid by us in the next month.  so, 

the ideology that we are 'so rich' and that it is absurd for us to ask someone who makes so 

much less than us to 'pay for us to bring a child from another country' is really flawed.  

most important, we only want cheerful, joyful supportive givers--people that see this as 

the way that they can love on our boys & bring two orphans HOME to their family.  

that is why we chose their plane tickets home as what the Let Love Grow shirts are funding.  

the funds are literally going into an account for me to book their plane tickets once we 

get a date to come home.  

i really feel like another flawed ideology is that if someone can't afford an adoption all on 

their own that they shouldn't do it.  this is very sad to me.  basically it is saying

that even though a family has room in their home and their hearts to LOVE a child, 

it's not okay for them to allow others to help them bring that child home.  

it is better for that child to grow up in an orphanage, on the streets or die without the love 

of a family because of the prideful statement that if someone can't fully fund it right

now themselves then they shouldn't do it?! 

we have very prayerfully thought out how we could allow others to come

alongside us and help our children home.  the message of our shirts and the opportunities

that it gives for the people wearing them to share about the TRUE problems in this world

is worth more to us than the $3,000 we hope to raise for the boys plane tickets.

finally, although i'm tempted to list the good things we do with our money

and the things that we don't spend money on, i will not.  it is not necessary

and although it is important to us, i will assure you that we are far from perfect.

there are many things we want to do differently for the kingdom.

in the same breath--

i firmly believe that God wants us to enjoy the things we've been blessed with.

i firmly believe that we all need to stop hoarding the resources we've been 

blessed with and love on our brothers and sisters.

here and everywhere.

and i firmly believe that we should really take to heart that we will never

know someone's full story and allow some grace to people--

the same grace we would desire.