balance beam.

i cried a little at this picture.  i cried a little with my children this morning as

we sat down for our devotional and one of them got sad at how close we

are to mommy's trip.  of course they are excited, but sometimes sad & excited walk

hand in hand--and maybe that makes it even harder to understand.

this isn't easy.  i don't say this in a look-at-how-great-what-we're-doing-is way.

i say it in an i-am-broken-over-how-hard-this-is way,  

but obedience to what God has for our family trumps all.  

more things are hard than leaving my husband

and children to fly across the world for an unknown amount of time.

as hopeful and excited as i am to have our two boys come home, i grieve

them leaving their country.  i believe it is always best for children to stay with a loving

birth family.  if that is not possible, i believe they should be in a loving family in their 

birth country.  when these things just aren't possible or happening....i do believe that

international adoption is the best answer.  it is not a perfect answer.  it is not rescuing

or saving.  we are taking a child from their culture & i grieve that.

but, just like obedience trumps....so does a family.

i weep just thinking about leaving the orphanage with our boys.  them saying 

goodbye to the people that they have lived with for so long--to the boys &

girls that they live with as brothers and sisters.  i'm so grateful for the wonderful

place they have lived.  the kids there are living proof of God's grace and redemption.

despite their journeys, the have flourished and are joyful in this loving, Christ-centered

environment.  yet, i still pray for them to have families.  for those that can be re-united

with their birth families to be able to.  for other families to obey what they might be

called to, to step up and say yes.  

yes, i will love you as my own.  yes, it is your turn.  yes,

His love and grace are big enough for this.  

so, in this season of joyful anticipation, yet hard moments, this has been

a great encouragement to me.  from Crazy Love by Francis Chan:

People who are obsessed with Jesus aren't consumed with their personal safety and comfort above all else. Obsessed people care more about God's kingdom coming to this earth than their own lives being shielded from pain or distress.  [They] are more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo. A person who is obsessed with Jesus will do things that don't always make sense in  terms of success or wealth on this earth.

 this is what i want for every area in my life.  reckless abandon & obsession.  for Him.

is there something that God is calling you to?  anything to make you more like him?

are you holding too tightly to what you believe should happen?  holding too tightly to

what this world believes?  holding too tightly to fear?

watch this short video with me.  i may not be a gymnast, but

i want to do a really awesome balance beam routine.