wishing.

tonight, hours past when they would normally be in bed, i took the "big" girls down to the beach.

we walked in the sand, and hiked up our dresses until it really didn't matter anymore so we let 

them get heavy from the warm ocean water.  we watched fireworks and stopped to admire a tiny

seahorse that a teenage girl rescued from the sand.  it was now swimming and diving in a pail

waiting to be returned to its home.  we hunted seashells by the light of an iphone while it sang us

jack johnson.  we picked our very favorite seashells and stood at the sea.  we held them and made

a wish before throwing them into the salty water.  i want to hold it deep in my heart forever.  

anika excitedly said, 

wanna know mine, mama?!  i wished that no orphans would ever die.  

soon after, she picked up another shell and told me: 

i wished that we could adopt 128 more brothers and sisters.  

me too, baby girl.  

chloe ran over from where she had gone off alone to throw her shell, 

i thanked God for the moon and the ocean and this night.

  she didn't even make a wish.  she just gave thanks. 

ellie just enjoyed the throwing for a bit until they all went up a few feet 

into dry sand to play.

i stood as my feet sank and sank into the wet sand.

pearl jam's Just Breathe came through the tiny speaker.

i breathed deeper than i have in quite some time.

cleansing.  nourishing.  grace.  

and i wished...no, i prayed something [big.]

for me.  for us.  for Him.

oh, i wish.